Monday, August 22, 2005
Two years ago I was well on my way to realizing the stereotypical American dream: wonderful girlfriend, house, nice truck, motorcycle (which all boils down to a lot of debt), credit card debt, well-paying job, etc etc.
A year ago I was down to the girlfriend and a huge downgrade in vehicle (Dodge Ram to a Saturn. Boy was that one hard to explain away without giving away my plan to quit my job and travel!). Which means I left with very little.
Now I have nothing. Don't get me wrong-in a lot of ways, that is good. No payments to make, no 'things' to worry about, and total freedom.
When I leave this time, it will be a couple weeks short of a full year since I left Chicago (longer since I left Denver). Pretty wild that it's been that long! Having been gone for so long, and having all this time to think has made me realize some things.
Money is not the end all, be all. It allows us to take possession of many things and ways of life we don't need, but want. I've realized that I don't want, nor need, many material things. They make me feel encumbered and stressed out.
Ok, that's good. Moving on.
I'm now without the wonderful girlfriend (thanks to my own idiocy) and am feeling a bit estranged from many people back home. Communication hasn't exactly flowed with many people; since I haven't been back and not much talking has occurred, I'm left feeling a bit cut-off, if you will. This is new for me.
But what it's made me realize, is that it's all great and wonderful to be 'free' and out doing exciting things and meeting new people. But if there isn't someone to share the experiences with, no one to share them with after the fact (I have done very little relating of the last year to anyone, except on here), it's a hollower escapade (for me at least). Being very unsure where 'home' is anymore, and having no idea where to have your trail end is quite unsettling.
So what is the spice of life? Is it crazy/fun adventures and irresponsibility? Or is it the people around you, the people in your life? (It's not the things you have, so I won't even list that).
My thinking is that it's the latter.
Which is perhaps why at this point, I'm feeling less enthusiastic about this trip than I expected. Why I am second guessing the hell out of the decision(s) I made, and why it might be a much shorter venture than originally intended.
So it goes