Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Posting a retraction 

Recently a comment was left on one of my posts (so recently that it was my last post!) begging me to stop destroying this particular reader's perception of life here in paradise. I assume that it was not solely the work of that particular post that has been emotionally crippling said reader. In deference to his/her wishes, I'll present a side of life here that has received less notoriety than deserved.

I was going to present the reasons for my 'frustrations' as of late, but I don't feel like it. On to the fun.

Hawaii is gorgeous. I wake up in the AM (way too early), walk around to the front of the house and sip my freshly roasted, ground, and brewed coffee while looking down over the lush hillsides to the sun-rise tinted ocean below.

The people here are friendly, and the pace of life almost non-existent-a very nice change from the mainland.

In town the most beautiful women you've ever seen walk around looking all sexy, while the hunky men are no threat at all because they are too busy offering up their sister/mother/friends, whomever you find most appealing. The food is exquisite and free if you ask politely. Coconut bras and grass skirts are the norm. Which is great, though the grass tends to itch and the bras rub. Oof.

The weather reports are unbelievable: 83-85 high, and...I forget the lows but it's pretty much the same forecast everyday.

Um....you can garner fresh milk from the docile wild cows that roam the islands and the friendly monkeys like to bing fresh fruit right to your waiting plate. The beer flows like wine down the streets paved with sand and massages are free to all mainlanders. Surfing is easy and turtles are always available for a free ride back to shore when you get tired.

That isn't rain I hear outside, it's moon kisses falling down upon the land. Or I guess it could be ash and rock from the volcano.

Nobody talks about silly things like the latest diet crazes (exercise and healthy eating are the latest fad) and politics is relegated to discussions as to who is the sexiest member of Dubya's cabinet. Noone tries to keep up with the Jones's, because their entire family and all their crap was tossed into various lava tubes-what didn't fit in the tubes was tossed into the volcano proper. Deadlines are never discussed. Vacations are mandatory and rival the amount of time spent on productivity. Depression is confiscated by the customs officials upon arrival as is accumulated emotional baggage. Movies in the theaters are not proceeded by commercials or ads by the entertainment industry about pirated songs/movies. People have a sense of humor and political correctness has been harnessed back to an appropriate level.

Hm. Me thinks maybe I got a bit out of hand. Let me try again.

If you are a guy: the women are beautiful and bikinis are one of the greatest inventions ever. Tihitian beer is quite tasty (tho quite a bit more expensive than Natty Light). Life is laid back and happy and wonderful. It's rare to find an unfriendly person. Sitting by/swimming in the ocean is a wonderful thing. Contrary to all my complaining (which is spawned by many many different things at this point), this is paradise and Hawaii is a very special place.

If you are a woman: don't ask me. I'm not one of you!!

That was quite a ramble. I blame it on the combination of late night coffee and the movie Air America (which made me revisit my Laos memories and my newly acquired knowledge about our non-war there).

Actually, I blame it on the rain, yeah yeah. [I] blame it on the sky that is falling, falling. Whatever [I] do, [I] don't put the blame on you, blame it on the rain, yeah yeah!

Wow, an entire rant (or was this a rave) dedicated to keeping my delusions intact. Impressive! I especially enjoyed the part about riding the large turtles back to shore. I just KNEW it would be like that! Thanks for keeping paradise...well...paradise!
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Name: Corey
Location: Portland, Oregon, United States

I'm on a journey with no destination. The path is constantly changing direction but there are always adventures to be had. "Never" and "always" have left my lexicon.

WWW http:/www.jimspeak.blogspot.com