Saturday, January 15, 2005

Dinner with a pachyderm 

It started innocently enough. Dinner at a small Thai place, me and Rachelle and one drunk lady patron and "The Princess Diaries" on the tele (bad movie, but oodles better than "Bridget Jones's Diary II", otherwise known as "The Same Movie as its Prequal, only worse because the whole damn thing is a re-run").

Our dinner was greens cooked in garlic and yellow curry (shared dishes) and some drinks. The best food I think we've had in Thailand. The softly gay waiter/owner/mater d was very nice and all that. Trying in vain to ignore the car wreckish movie and simply enjoy dinner and our conversation, suffice it to say that we were startled when my hat was lifted off my head and I turned and found myself face to face with an elephant! (Explains why R hadn't said anything for 2minutes previously, instead just sputtered and pointed behind me) The guy aback the elephant and the road guy both gigled and the elephant blatted at us. The drunk woman fell out of her chair, in hysterics (comedic as well as terrified). Don't worry, it is an open air restaurant and I was quite close to the road (though not close enough to get runned over). Seems these guys go around with their elephant (where do they store him? In a garage or what? A dog run seems a bit cramped) and sell bananas to people and let them feed their pet. A couple from next door came over and fed him. Quite cute actually. The pach would trunk snag the 'nanner and stuff it in. When the plastic bag was empty, that'd get grabbed and handed up top to rider man.

Sounds interesting, though a bit unhygenic, eh? I'm not done yet.

No one at our place fed the guy (looked a little worse for the wear, and his blatting was quite frequent. If you've never eye gazed an ele from up close, they're pretty sad eyed creatures), and the men got a bit animated. Which riled up Dumbo (not a flyer, this one). The blatting increased, and some hoppity began. I started getting a bit nervous when his head began shifting the roof above us. Staring in omniscient fascination, it wasn't until I turned to make a smart-ass comment to R about the current lack of elephant scaring rats that, that I noticed that I alone had remained in the dining area. The rest cowered in the kitchen, peering out to witness my fate.

My head dropped low, and a smirk crossed my lips. Maybe now was time to fulfill my destiny. I arose from my seat and faced the now charge bluffing beast. My vocal cords issued a warning-"DO YOU SMELL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?!?!"

The elephant stopped.

Stared at me....

Stuck his trunk out to its full lenght....

And let loose the mightiest trumpet I've ever heard from a live pachyderm (though some of the blasts in Dumbo and the Jungle Book were rather loud. But those don't count because Disney IS Beelzibub incarnate)

My body splattered against the rear bamboo wall, leaving welts that remain even now. I crashed to the ground, in shock, and watched as the grey wall moved towards me (both his trainers were staring in shock; one upwards; the other downwards until the ele moved forward and the roof knocked him to the ground where he continued to stare in morbid fascination).

Unable to move there was nothing I could do. Rachelle squealed from 20 feet away and the cook began to barter with her for my meat (might taste better than dog, you know).

His left front leg raised up.

Eye contact was established.

The leg came crashing down with incredible force....on our unfinished dinner.

Eyes still locked, he issued a dismissive flurmph, smiled a bit (not pretty. At all), then walked away.


The trainers eventually took chase.

My state of being was inquired at, and my feet were regained.

And we had to pay for our dinner. Couldn't even finish it, b/c most of it was still on that damn elephant's foot!!

And yes, this was in downtown Bangkok

Wild west can kiss it. Asia is much crazier!

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Name: Corey
Location: Portland, Oregon, United States

I'm on a journey with no destination. The path is constantly changing direction but there are always adventures to be had. "Never" and "always" have left my lexicon.

WWW http:/www.jimspeak.blogspot.com