Wednesday, December 29, 2004
It's been quite a ride the last couple months. 3 months in. More than, actually. Still not tired of traveling, still not a clue as to what direction my life will be taking when the money runs out (it always does), or before. But shit, sitting here at 2am stewing over so many things....oof.
We've seen a lot. Not all of it good (as you may have read here). And it starts to wear on you (or at least it is me right now). Poverty all over. Horror and scabs in Cambodia. Vietnam and all their history (not to mention my family history here). Now the catastrophe down south. And get this (not R's parents. Don't think or read this)-Rachelle was supposed to go to some of the places decimated starting next week. I feel horrible for those affected, but thank GOD this didn't happen later, nor her go there sooner. I can't even fathom the crippling terror and helplessness that people must be feeling right now.
I had a dream the other night. In it, I was about to die. And I knew it. I think I've had this dream before, only this time it was different. Before I felt anxious b/c of all that I had not done. This time, I felt none of that. I felt at peace, and had no problem letting go and giving in to my fate. A nice feeling. A bit macabre, but the first time I'd felt that. Of course later in the dream I tried to fight it off because there were things I needed to do-not for me, but for...I don't know who. Overall, it makes me happy. 2 years ago I realized that if my number got called, I'd be pissed and'd be back as a nasty poltergiest (you think your cube is bad now? Try it filled with ghost farts). Made me make some changes. Now I'm trying as hard as I can to enjoy every moment I have, and be grateful for the life I have.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna go lay down in the road or play Harey Carey with a motorbike. Just thoughts getting tumbled out at a late hour.
R's been asleep for a while. Hopefully she hasn't woken up, realized I'm still not in the room, looked at her watch and made nasty comments at me!
I've heard it said that people feel selfish for being thankful they didn't know anyone killed by the tsunami (thanks). Don't feel selfish. All you gots to do is be grateful.
Happy new year, eh? We're heading to Thailand, and I feel guilty for planning to try and have fun. Gotta get over that. They need the money besides.
Done. That's all for now. I gotta get some sleep. Besides, this is all inane drivel. And I think the workers here need to get back on here to find love (whether it's from dating sites or sites that offer 'info' on subjects such as teen girls or other things I won't mention)
My eyes see them suffer and go without
Their eyes see misdirected pity
The grass is always greener,
or so they say.
Now some see it isn't.
How will they?
Just when it's at the worst
A smile brings me around
Is it really lost?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Get the hell off here and let someone know you love 'em. ue.