Friday, July 30, 2004
Finer words have ne'er been said (maybe that is a slight exaggeration)
I am not a guy who fits the metrosexual definition in any way, other than having a penis. It brought a tear to my eye (ok, more a grin to my face since guys don't cry) to get onto Malkin's site this morning and find a link over to Jennifer's site. She has coined the term (I think. I don't feel like looking around to see if anyone else has used it) "Retrosexual". That is my kind of list! Check it out. Living the ideals she has penned will bring manliness back into the fold. Some highlights below:
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexaul may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets), loss of a major body part. Retrosexuals do not cry for movies. They can get a teary lump in their throat under a few notable exceptions, such as when "the guy" heads out to die and save the day or the flag goes up on Suribachi.
Thank you, Jennifer. If I didn't have a girlfriend who thinks as you do (at least as far as she tells me, or as far as I interpret her), I would propose to you right now. Well, I might if I weren't a commitment-phobe and wildly 'irresponsible'.
UPDATE: Ok, I looked around a little and was directed to this by Zombyboy. Thanks, dude.
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexaul may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets), loss of a major body part. Retrosexuals do not cry for movies. They can get a teary lump in their throat under a few notable exceptions, such as when "the guy" heads out to die and save the day or the flag goes up on Suribachi.
Thank you, Jennifer. If I didn't have a girlfriend who thinks as you do (at least as far as she tells me, or as far as I interpret her), I would propose to you right now. Well, I might if I weren't a commitment-phobe and wildly 'irresponsible'.
UPDATE: Ok, I looked around a little and was directed to this by Zombyboy. Thanks, dude.
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