Monday, November 10, 2003
If anyone actually read my drivel, I might be in danger of receiving hate mail for this blog. As it is, I don't think I have any reason to be concerned. Of what am I writing? The unnatural obsession with the donuts known as Krispy Kreme.
My first exposure to these DONUTS was out in LA on a summer trip to visit a college buddy. I'd never heard of them, but on our way down to San Diego (I had to find my girlfriend. She'd bailed on me a couple days earlier to have some "quality time" with her sis, and she had my flight info) we stopped to grab some KK's for breakfast. My initial reaction was to the foul smelling liquid they were pumping into the parking lot. It reminded me of my college field trip to the local wastewater treatment plant. Not pleasant. We went through the drive-thru, got a box, and headed down. I had a couple, and had a reaction no different than my reaction to the dozens of Dunkin Donuts I ate in high school (losers that we were, we thought DD was a cool place to hang out at night. Oops). However, once we reached San Diego and started walking to the beach (predetermined meeting place), my view on these little pastries changed. After only 50 feet, the first person we tried to pass stopped, blocked the walk, and demanded to know where we had gotten the little treats. We divulged the info, and were offered money for donuts that were now sun heated and congealing. We declined, and were eventually allowed past.
The situation did not improve on the beach. Several people spotted the box hidden under my girlfriend's beach chair and came up begging to have the opportunity to buy these donuts from us. I was flabbergasted! Even the fear induced by my near drowning in the ocean that day did not compare to the fear I felt when people reacted to our box of donuts. Somehow we made it off the beach in one piece and retreated in doors where we could have some peace.
We flew back to Colorado that night, and Krispy Kreme left my mind, temporarily. A couple years later, this burgeoning donut empire expanded its wares to my state. Upon hearing the throngs profess their elation at this new "opportunity" to pack on the pounds, I was reminded of my California trip and became wary. Fortunately, the store opened well south of my neck of the woods, and I felt safe. After an eternal build up, the store finally opened. The news coverage rivaled that of the OJ Simpson trial, and I still found myself confounded by this obsession felt by so many. When they showed the high school teens that had BYPASSED THEIR SPRING BREAK to camp outside the door waiting for the grand opening, I almost swore off the accursed things for life. When I was in high school-granted, we were dorky and did idiotical things, but in my defense I was not allowed to venture out of town during spring break or risk facing the wrath of my track coach-we hung out with friends, saw movies, and camped outside Hooters (MUCH more respectable than some donut shop) to get good seats for a radio broadcast featuring the Professor from Gilligan's Island. Now THAT was worth the ridicule. But I digress. I could not believe the troubles people were putting themselves thru to get these stupid pastries-2 hour waits in line at 5am everyday for months, fights in the lunch room when a sadistic co-worker decided to not bring in enough for everyone, the forest fires for God's sake! (I have a new theory-our state burned up because TB wanted to work for Krispy Kreme, but didn't have an adequate resume, and was hoping the flames would reach the new store....). All in all, insanity.
We have a client that was bringing us boxes of these treats every Friday for months. Then he saw the ballooning bellies (in our defense, we are engineers so the gut is inevitable, apparently) and started bringing donuts instead. During that time I had many varieties of these donuts (who can pass up free stuff? Leave me alone). What is my conclusion? Do I find them better than Dunkin Donuts (a virtual nonentity in CO.)? Are they worthy of worship and self-sacrifice in the quest to consume a box full?
NO!! THEY ARE JUST FREAKIN DONUTS!!!